Characteristics of gay guys
The Science of Gaydar
As a presence in the world—a body hanging from a subway strap or pressed into an elevator, a figure crossing the street—I am neither markedly masculine nor notably effeminate. Nor am I typically perceived as androgynous, not in my uniform of Diesels and boots, not even when I was younger and favored dangling earrings and bright Jack Purcells. But most people immediately read me (correctly) as gay. It takes only a glance to build my truth obvious. I know this from strangers who find gay people offensive enough to elicit a remark—catcalls from cab windows, to use a recent example—as well as from countless casual social engagements in which people easily assume my orientation, no sensitive gaydar necessary. I’m not so much out-of-the-closet as “self-evident,” to use Quentin Crisp’s statement, although being of a younger generation, I can’t subscribe to his creed that it is a kind of disfigurement requiring lavender hair rinse.
I once placed a personal ad in which I described myself as “gay-acting/gay-appearing,” partly as a jab at my peers who select to be thought of as “str8” but mostly because it’s just who I am. Maybe a better way to expression it would hav
What Gay and Bi Men Really Want
Are physical and sexual attraction the most appealing qualities in a partner? Or are unseen qualities like good manners and reliability the most attractive?
Following on from his research into what direct women want and what straight men want, D&M Research’s managing director Derek Jones has taken the next logical step with his latest study into what gay and bi(sexual) men want.
In order to dig deeper and attract out a true list of turn-ons and turn-offs for gay and bi men, Derek once again used of the Im-Ex Polygraph method. He originally devised this method of analysis to distinguish what people say they want from brands, products or services from what they really want by comparing stated versus derived measures of importance.
Qualities the homosexual and bi men said they desired in a partner (‘stated’) were compared to the qualities display in example celebrities they nominated as attractive (‘implied’). The same comparison was made between stated and implied negative qualities, to determine what attributes are really the biggest turn-offs.
What gay and bi men say they want
Just enjoy straight women and unbent men, “we enjoy be
Many gay men grew up feeling ashamed of not conforming to cultural expectations about “real boys” or “real men.” Especially during middle and high institution, they may have been bullied or publicly humiliated because of their difference—made to feel like outsiders and not “one of the boys.” They may have found it easier relating to women than men, though they didn’t fully belong to the girl group, either.
Every same-sex attracted man I’ve seen in my practice over the years has had a conflicted, troubled relationship with his own masculinity, often shaping his behavior in destructive ways. Writing for Vice, Jeff Leavell captures the dynamic nicely: “Queer people, especially gay men, are known for dealing with a slew of self-doubts and anxieties in noxious ways. Gay men are liable to perceive incredibly insecure over their masculinity, a kind of internalized homophobia that leads them to idolize 'masc 4 masc', 'gaybros' and [to] shame and oppress femme men.”
Here we observe one of the most common defenses against shame: getting rid of it by offloading or projecting it onto somebody else; in this case, one of those “femme men.” In effect, “masc” men who humiliate “femmes” redo the shame trauma of their
Before you begin your Freudian psychoanalysis, make sure to mention that you own a ‘gay-dar’, and don’t forget to detail how accurate it is and has always been. Frame it as an insurmountable achievement of yours. After all, it is much more prestigious than creature awarded a Rhodes Scholarship. There’s no need to think about the reliability or accuracy of your data collection because you don’t have any, so just launch straight in.
Not everybody can be a gay or lesbian. There is a specific proficiency to identifying those of us who are. Here are some tell-tale signs that someone is a gay or lesbian:
The first thing to take leaflet of when deciding someone’s sexuality on their behalf, namely whether a male is gay or not, is to observe how high-pitched their voice is. The more high-pitched their usual speaking voice is, the more likely it is that you are talking to a male lover person. This is because the pitch of your voice has nothing to do with biology: it’s actually determined by your sexuality. Forget what scientists say – they’re all just conspiracy theorists, really.
The second hint to obtain note of is if they use excessive hand gestures, then they must be gay. The key to this one is that if
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